i am 18, a heterosexual male. i have 2 friends, who are close to my heart, but they seem to be closer to each other. so close, that i thought they were leaving me out.it infuriated me every time they met without my knowledge, so much that i even thought of making a new set of friends. but little did i know what was going on.....
about six months from now, they get arrested under the infamous act 377. they were detained after a notorious trial, for a term of approximately 10 years . by now you must've guessed what grave felony they had committed.
HOMOSEXUALITY
now, i was, as usual, completely unaware of this incident until one fine day they went missing from college.i knew there was something wrong from the mocking faces at campus.what i didn't know was that as i studied how to combine 2 capacitors in parallel, they were made to face the ire of public judgment, news channels and news papers, all screaming their names and thrusting their photographs, proclaiming their glory of busting the biggest racket of the decade and unmasking the culprits behind it. i learned of this on the 3rd day thence after recovering the mysteriously misplaced news dailies that i never craved for or anything!!
and there they were, contained in full embarrassment more than grateful for the police obligation towards the criminals.
i was dazed at the number of opinions a single newspaper projected, it almost looked like a debate. someone called them innocent, another demons in disguise while most other preferred the customary 'outlaw'.
as for me, i was clueless, what to comprehend..... i knew they were close, but?!?!
in fact, it was that very reason, their self-involvement and ignorance towards me that made me justify the time i spent alone at college for the past few days.
however, i was crestfallen and annoyed at their failure to be good friends and their cheek for doing such stuff. my blood boiled as i lost whatever sanity remained in me.
i picked up the phone and dialed their nos-residence and mobile, knowing well that it would go unanswered. the constant ringing buzzed in my mind as the thoughts and emotions in it infused making a poisonous cloud on which, i choked for an hour of solitary confinement. as though i was punishing myself for their sins.
the events unfolded in front of my eyes as i daydreamed.it all began as, an innocent party which progressed into an ugly drunken mosh pit. there they were, the sinister drug peddlers that went about meting out carefully measured pouches of drugs to the sozzled boys with a satanical grin. the boys took out their credit cards and began treating themselves to cocaine and pot. as these drugs influenced their minds they went into a state of lusty desire. so high they were, they forgot of their company and indulged in the orgiastic rituals of the homosexuals.
conclusion: a frat party all gone wrong!!
then i wondered how the papers changed their opinions. how judgmental they were, completely forgetful of the consequences the boys, their family, friends et al would suffer. but why blame the media it was them in the first place!
however,a few of the all-knowing(so-they-say) authors' editorials did sympathize with the boys, they claimed to see through all the chaos and hear through the clatter, the innocent pleas of their sorry souls, ranting and lashing at the govt, the judiciary or the police, whoever they held a grudge against, reprimanding them verbally for criminalizing innocent juvenile boys.
but none of this could shape my opinion. i was still unsatisfied and angry at their infidelity.
as my parents returned home i swiftly and quietly escaped making a bee-line for safe haven-our hangout.but my only sanctuary morphed into the worst dream. i was petrified beyond imagination as my mind reiterated the best days i spent here. i didn't know what to do???
i nearly cried in front of a gang of urchins who gaped at me like monkeys that behold the 8th wonder of the world-a 50 feet banana.i left, flustered and troubled.
as i walked home, i happened to be stalking a couple on the as they cuddled each other-arm in arms.
my mind was playing dirty games- i began to imagine my friends in their place. nausea gripped my very gut as i flinched. but what i realized next was that they were always kind of like that.
i remember both of them walking hand-in-hand as we took our evening stroll together discussing girls and teachers. i got angry and snatched one of their hands and told them from ever excluding me like this. then, i remembered how we were teased as we walked in together to class. it all seemed so normal then, we were almost inseparable. so what happened now. it almost struck me instantly...
"was i gay too??"
no! can't be, i always fantasized about Natasha, from SYJC commerce, and she was far from a man. so, i walked with false pacification and bewilderment. but then i wondered why they'd left me alone that night. had they invited me, i wouldn't be here anyway. so i finally decided that maybe i wasn't gay after all. that is why they didn't!
i then walked a tad more confidently my conviction about my sexuality strong and straight.
then again, my placid mind caught the current of fury. i hated them for what they had been! how they ignored me... how i was mortified because of them.
on the other hand i already had counter arguments to those allegations as well.
i did not hate them!! not for what they have been-my friends, not gay. and as far as i remembered they were the only friends i ever hung out with since sixth grade! they have never betrayed me to a bully nor to loneliness.and the only hurt i could ever cause to my self esteem would be by insulting the sanctity of friendship. i can't betray them! I'm probably their only confidant in this cold, inhospitable and ruthless world that crushes minority in accordance with their likes or dislikes.
i felt foolish for it was me, like the rest of the nation that thought by the lines of a certain deranged British Lord Macaulay, who in the ancient times of 1860, prematurely decided that any sort of homosexual interaction between a man or woman is against the order of nature. stealing from God this very privilege, especially, when these are his own children too.
it was then that i decided what should be my opinion. i knew that if i were to make any difference to any of my friends, those who make all the difference to me, i have a tough battle ahead. and probably the fiercest of adversaries. but i ain't going to be cowardly and seek the protection of pretense, that i despise a very natural state of being not a choice! if i did so i'd be saving my clean-sheet reputation but have tainted the very soul that i protect from the dirt that the society will fling at me.
i may not be gay...
but at least i can be 'PRO-GAY'
